Loopholes to God's words

As a kid, I was taught that lying is bad...just like every other kid. So instead of flat out lying, I would bend the truth or even leave out parts of it. I can't be considered a liar if I didn't make anything up right?

Then I came to Christ and I was taught that lying is a sin and it makes God unhappy. I was set on avoiding situations in which I needed to lie. I must say though situations do come up where I can't be completely honest so I did the same thing as I did as a kid, I bend the truth or just leave out some parts.

But as I started learning more about who God is and maturing more myself, I began to realize that even though my words technically aren't lies, my heart was full of deceit. When I bend the truth or even when I decide to leave out certain parts of them, my desire is to deceive the person whom I'm speaking to and God sees that. There's no way to hide our heart's intentions from God, he sees beyond the surface.

There was this one discussion I sat through and we were asked what would we do if someone came in demanding all christians to stand up and step on the bible; if we didn't, then we'd be killed. One guy said "I don't know..the bible is just a book; its not a symbol of God that we worship" (something around those lines). It's true, the bible is just a book; we don't worship it. Other religions have statues and animals and other things which are sacred to them and they worship them but we have a direct relationship with our God and by no means do we ever worship the bible in his place. (Don't get me wrong, the bible is definitely an important book, I'm just saying its not interchangeable with God himself) However, in that situation what is the real intention for stepping on the bible? Is it not because of our fear of death?

So many times I feel people try to find loopholes to God's words. He tells us not to lie so we circle around different things to avoid actually lying. He tells us not to steal and we come up with a million reasons why downloading music is right. He tells us to love others and we can come up with thousands of justifications for being unloving. Yeah the words that come out of our mouth sounds right and I guess it can justify things...but God sees the heart. He sees how we're trying to deceive, he sees our lack of faith in him, our willingness to betray him once things go wrong.

By no means am I trying to condemn anyone, I guess my point is that there are no loopholes to the bible. God tells it to you straight what he wants, he wants us to let go of our past selves and be reborn in him..reflecting who Christ is. There's no way for us to look into God's words and try to find a way to continue living the lives that we led prior to accepting Christ...it just doesn't exist.

He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts" - Luke 16:15 

Walking with God

This blog post carries no lesson, no actual message but simply just a description of my (literal) walk with God today.

If you know me or read my testimony post (somewhere down there) you'll know that I had depression before. During that time period, a friend of mine told me that taking walks make you feel happier because there are antidepressants in the soil. Now, I don't know how true that is (being that it came from a middle schooler at the time) and I never bothered to check because from that day on whenever I have a hard time, I really do feel better after a walk.

As a kid, a walk was a walk. It just made me feel better and it clears my head. But after coming to Christ, its no longer simply a walk for me. My walks are times where I truly quiet myself and just bask in God's presence. I truly believe that God's fingerprints are everywhere; the sky, the trees, everything; if you were to really look, you can see just how beautifully they all come together.

I've been having a hard time recently and I've been wanting to go to Fort Totten for a while now for Quiet Time so I finally decided that I'd go today. I had this whole picture of what I would be doing there, I was going to sit on that rock pathway and just read the bible and meditate on everything that God is doing. So I hopped on a bus and 1.5 hours later the bus driver said "last stop, fort totten" so I got off the bus. "This is not Fort Totten" was the first thought that came to my mind. The last time I took the bus here was a few years ago and the bus literally dropped you off right by that rock pathway you see in my photo. But here I am standing in front of a street with a million houses surrounding me; that was when I saw a sign saying Fort Totten Park and followed it.

I walked in through the entrance of the park which I remember being right next to the rock pathway but I couldn't find the pathway anywhere (it was covered by construction stuff and I completely missed it) and I had no idea where the bus back home was because I half followed the sign and half just walked wherever my feet guided me to. My phone was also running low on battery. It was actually quite crazy but for some reason I was calm the entire time. From getting lost to not knowing how to get home to even the fact that my phone may just die on me before I find my way home; I was completely at peace.

This place was beautiful. I took so many pictures but none of them can do it justice. My pictures couldn't capture the beauty of the autumn sun shining down on the trees and the golden glow that surrounded me. The warmth of the sun felt like a nice big hug, it felt so comforting as if God was saying "its ok I'm right here." I kept walking and stopping to take pictures until I found these benches behind this fire department area and sat down to read. The wind was picking up and the pages just flipped to Matthews 14 and the first thing I saw was "Jesus walks on water" This was quite amazing to me because I've been obsessed with the song "Oceans" by Hillsong recently and its about this passage. Both the song and the passage has been bringing me a lot of comfort because of how well it relates to my struggles.

Although my QT turned out much different from what I had expected, from the second I got there I knew God had planned it all out. If I were able to sit on those rocks or freaked out about getting lost and my phone dying and just went home; I would've missed out on what I had experienced today. I left there with a lightened heart, joy and peace.

I must say though the next time I do this, I must bring a jacket and a spare battery. I was FREEZING.

The Two Faces of Pride

Pride has always been that sin that completely irks me. Not that the other ones don't bother me but I think I'm just a lot more sensitive towards this particular one. I don't know why but when people start talking about how amazing they are or how much more deserving they are in comparison to others, something inside of me just feels weird (and highly annoyed..).

It's something I never really understood, why do I feel that way, and since it doesn't really affect me loving these people, I never cared too much about it. But I think in the recent years, I started to understand why pride bothers me so much. 

I do a lot of talking to people, its one of the reasons why I want to be a counselor psychologist. The conditions of people's heart matters to me and I tend to be drawn to those who are troubled or struggling with something. I've witnessed a lot of fights and people telling me what they hate about the person they're fighting with and ironically its always something that they themselves struggle with (not that they know that or are willing to acknowledge). I don't want to generalize it and be like everyone's this way but from what I've seen, most of the time the thing people hates about others is the sin that they struggle with themselves.

And with that theory, I've come to realize why pride bothers me so much. I am a really prideful person. It's weird to say because I am someone who is very hard on myself and I usually belittle myself more so than brag about how amazing I am. Which is why I named this post "The Two Faces of Pride". Pride doesn't always have to be about thinking you're better or other people are horrible compared to you. Its also you not being able to humble yourself, being falsely humble and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Pride is basically you putting yourself as the center of everything. 

I'll be honest, false humility is something I struggle with...a lot. For those of you who don't know what that is, its basically just you belittling yourself and thinking everyone's better/more deserving than you. It sounds like the farthest thing from pride right? I thought so too but I've come to realize that false humility is simply another form of pride. It stems from you constantly thinking about yourself and overemphasizing on what you've done wrong. My friend quoted this guy and he said "humility isn't thinking less of yourself, its thinking of yourself less."

I don't know about you guys but I also struggle with not willing to be vulnerable. It's kind of like how most guys feel like they have to be macho and tough and not show their weaknesses...for some strange reason I'm kind of like that too. Especially around those whom I have issues with, I never want them to see my weak side. Thats mainly because I don't want them to feel like they can affect me or even hurt me, that I'm stronger than they think and I don't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Everything in that statement was about me and how I feel and how I want to appear to others, pride is just that. When you look at yourself and are so focused on you...no matter what form that is shown, its pride.

Pride can come in so many different forms, it can even appear to be humble. But God sees the heart, even if we try to mask our pride with false humility, he'll know. I think with that its always important to remember to see ourselves the way God does. Jesus didn't die just for you and not for the person you "dislike". He died for the both of you, equally. You're not any better or worse, you're loved all the same. To be truly humble is to put yourself on equal grounds and willingly with joy placing yourself below others to serve them. That doesn't mean you should treat yourself like trash but simply to think of others first and serve the way Jesus did. After all we are called to reflect his image. 

Peace

"In what ways is serving the Lord difficult for you?"

My sunday school leader asked us this question as they finished up the book of Joshua. I didn't get to go through the book with them and my knowledge of the bible is quite limited (even more so when it comes to old testament) so I can't tell you what happened with Joshua but I can share with you my own thoughts and hopefully they can bring you some encouragement. 

The most difficult thing about serving God to me is that sometimes it means you have to stand alone. Non-christians may persecute you, they might think you're crazy or blinded by religion. Sometimes even your brothers and sisters may question you. Everyone has a different calling and sometimes what God tells you may be different from what others expect of you. This can cause a lot of discouragements and disagreements and if its handled poorly, even broken relationships. It can be a rather painful situation to be in. 

But God will never leave your side. 

When you choose God, this peace and joy will overcome you. I don't know if its the same for you guys but for me I can literally feel it coming from deep inside my heart. That was when I finally realized how shallow suffering really is. I have always been someone whose emotions are strongly connected to my heart; so when I'm sad my heart would feel sad and if I was angry it would feel like a fire raging. This time I can literally feel the depth of peace and joy in my heart compared to the negative emotions. Maybe you're not crazy like me and feel emotions the way I do but God will definitely grant you with peace. Don't give in to the negative feelings and allow his peace to overcome you. 

God is worth the fight; so don't give up and don't forget you're never alone. He will always be with you, helping you and guiding you through every obstacle. All we gotta do is let him in. Keep fighting the good fight! 

Heart of Worship

I've been a part of my church's praise team for a few years now. Its sad to say but I've only come to realize that I worship very differently on stage than I do off this year.

Being the prideful perfectionist that I am, when I'm on stage I tend to focus on sounding right; getting the words right, the notes and if God forbids my leader decides to give me a solo...getting the beat right. I'm so distracted that I forget why I'm even up there to begin with; what being a part of the worship team really meant. It's not like I don't know God is the main focus of it all but somehow my subconscious made it all about me. "What do they think, how do I sound..." I'm singing but I'm not worshiping. 

When I'm alone, I don't have to worry about anything. I can sing the wrong lyrics and clap to the wrong beat, anything and it wouldn't matter (well it would but at least no one else would be there). I can focus on God and the meaning behind the lyrics that I'm singing. They become my prayers to Him (especially when they put my current thoughts/feelings into words). My heart would feel the words that I'm singing, they become real. That is when my heart is truly in a heart of worship. 

(A song that always strikes me whenever I hear it is Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets. I don't know if you will be able to relate to it the way I have but its my prayer to God every time I sing it.)

Now that I know where I'm lacking, I'm trying to worship the way I would when I'm off stage. It feels great to worship God my way on and off stage. My leader usually sends us his set a day or two before our practice so I'm trying to learn how to digest the songs and not see it as just a song that I need to sing well. Praise songs aren't like regular songs because they're for God. I want to fully understand what I'm singing and convey that message to those sitting in the audience. Our worship should be more than just a song. I'll still try to sound the best that I can but that no longer will be my main focus. Skill matters but what is skill without the heart when it comes to worship? I'm sure he'll still love me and understand how I feel despite my mess ups.

Obligation

People have always told me how God's work should never be an obligation or even a burden.

They're right. 

We should serve God with joy in our hearts and love for what we do for his kingdom. But I can honestly say I only know about a handful of people who serves with joy. There are times where I feel burdened by the things I've done or am doing right now. How did something so joyful become a joysucking job? 

Most people point at the person and call them out for their lack of passion. Maybe its true and that person has yet to figure out how great of a job God has placed in our hands; how important of a job and amazing it is that we're even allowed to contribute a little bit of ourselves to serve his kingdom. Maybe the person still needs to understand that. But maybe, the leaders are also setting up this "you're obligated" environment for those who serve under them. 

I've seen it so often how leaders would tell their members to serve with joy and don't do it for the wrong reasons. But when some members decide that they will not take part in certain things, guilt tripping automatically comes into play. Sometimes people's walks are even questioned (sounds extreme, I know, but its happened). No matter what these members have done before or sacrificed for God, this one time "no" becomes something used to question their walks. How would that make your members serve with joy? Leaders probably justify it as "I'm encouraging them to act with God in mind" but I see members act to shut their leaders up much more often. 

I understand how difficult it is to want something to be done and people just don't want to do it. But I think there's a clear difference between encouraging and flat out manipulating. Priority, I believe is something that most people gotta figure out for themselves and we can give them a nice gentle push towards the right direction from time to time but it should never be forced. 

To those serving the Lord out there, I hope we will all remember that God deserves our time and efforts. Nothing is greater than he and doing his work should be up there on our priorities list. But that should also happen with a genuine heart. Most of us know what we need to do or what we "should" be doing but when we do these things without a sincere heart, our intentions for doing them is literally because its a "christian thing to do". 

"It is not what you do as a Christian that determines who you are; it is who you are that determines what you do." -Victory Over Darkness by Neil Anderson 

Stuck

Have you ever been in a place where you just felt stuck? Things are going wrong in life and you have no idea where to turn or who to go to. Somehow more and more things seem to be messing up and the ditch you're stuck in just gets deeper and deeper. Even for those of us who know God's there find it hard to turn to him when we're stuck in a deep ditch.

So what do you do? Are you trying to find the way out? Or are you just sitting there moping? Quite honestly I mope a lot. But I know the solutions out there. Sometimes the answer isn't obvious at all, sometimes it's not even the answer we wanted but it's there. And trust me, his answer will always be better than whatever we could think of. We just gotta trust that God will reveal it to us when the time is right.

I know I know it's a lot easier said than done. But if we hold on to our belief, if we just hold on to God during these rough times... Things will surely get better. He will never leave us, let alone when we're dying inside some dark depressed ditch. He will carry us out and heal our broken hearts. There's no greater comfort than the one from God, I guarantee that.

It's not easy to rely on God since we're taught to handle things on our own. So let's learn to hold onto God right now, together. Let the comfort of knowing he has great plans to come after this nasty storm fill us with peace. Let us trust and rely fully on God, together.