It's something I never really understood, why do I feel that way, and since it doesn't really affect me loving these people, I never cared too much about it. But I think in the recent years, I started to understand why pride bothers me so much.
I do a lot of talking to people, its one of the reasons why I want to be a counselor psychologist. The conditions of people's heart matters to me and I tend to be drawn to those who are troubled or struggling with something. I've witnessed a lot of fights and people telling me what they hate about the person they're fighting with and ironically its always something that they themselves struggle with (not that they know that or are willing to acknowledge). I don't want to generalize it and be like everyone's this way but from what I've seen, most of the time the thing people hates about others is the sin that they struggle with themselves.
And with that theory, I've come to realize why pride bothers me so much. I am a really prideful person. It's weird to say because I am someone who is very hard on myself and I usually belittle myself more so than brag about how amazing I am. Which is why I named this post "The Two Faces of Pride". Pride doesn't always have to be about thinking you're better or other people are horrible compared to you. Its also you not being able to humble yourself, being falsely humble and not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Pride is basically you putting yourself as the center of everything.
I'll be honest, false humility is something I struggle with...a lot. For those of you who don't know what that is, its basically just you belittling yourself and thinking everyone's better/more deserving than you. It sounds like the farthest thing from pride right? I thought so too but I've come to realize that false humility is simply another form of pride. It stems from you constantly thinking about yourself and overemphasizing on what you've done wrong. My friend quoted this guy and he said "humility isn't thinking less of yourself, its thinking of yourself less."
I don't know about you guys but I also struggle with not willing to be vulnerable. It's kind of like how most guys feel like they have to be macho and tough and not show their weaknesses...for some strange reason I'm kind of like that too. Especially around those whom I have issues with, I never want them to see my weak side. Thats mainly because I don't want them to feel like they can affect me or even hurt me, that I'm stronger than they think and I don't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Everything in that statement was about me and how I feel and how I want to appear to others, pride is just that. When you look at yourself and are so focused on you...no matter what form that is shown, its pride.
Pride can come in so many different forms, it can even appear to be humble. But God sees the heart, even if we try to mask our pride with false humility, he'll know. I think with that its always important to remember to see ourselves the way God does. Jesus didn't die just for you and not for the person you "dislike". He died for the both of you, equally. You're not any better or worse, you're loved all the same. To be truly humble is to put yourself on equal grounds and willingly with joy placing yourself below others to serve them. That doesn't mean you should treat yourself like trash but simply to think of others first and serve the way Jesus did. After all we are called to reflect his image.
I don't know about you guys but I also struggle with not willing to be vulnerable. It's kind of like how most guys feel like they have to be macho and tough and not show their weaknesses...for some strange reason I'm kind of like that too. Especially around those whom I have issues with, I never want them to see my weak side. Thats mainly because I don't want them to feel like they can affect me or even hurt me, that I'm stronger than they think and I don't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Everything in that statement was about me and how I feel and how I want to appear to others, pride is just that. When you look at yourself and are so focused on you...no matter what form that is shown, its pride.
Pride can come in so many different forms, it can even appear to be humble. But God sees the heart, even if we try to mask our pride with false humility, he'll know. I think with that its always important to remember to see ourselves the way God does. Jesus didn't die just for you and not for the person you "dislike". He died for the both of you, equally. You're not any better or worse, you're loved all the same. To be truly humble is to put yourself on equal grounds and willingly with joy placing yourself below others to serve them. That doesn't mean you should treat yourself like trash but simply to think of others first and serve the way Jesus did. After all we are called to reflect his image.
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