Being the prideful perfectionist that I am, when I'm on stage I tend to focus on sounding right; getting the words right, the notes and if God forbids my leader decides to give me a solo...getting the beat right. I'm so distracted that I forget why I'm even up there to begin with; what being a part of the worship team really meant. It's not like I don't know God is the main focus of it all but somehow my subconscious made it all about me. "What do they think, how do I sound..." I'm singing but I'm not worshiping.
When I'm alone, I don't have to worry about anything. I can sing the wrong lyrics and clap to the wrong beat, anything and it wouldn't matter (well it would but at least no one else would be there). I can focus on God and the meaning behind the lyrics that I'm singing. They become my prayers to Him (especially when they put my current thoughts/feelings into words). My heart would feel the words that I'm singing, they become real. That is when my heart is truly in a heart of worship.
(A song that always strikes me whenever I hear it is Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets. I don't know if you will be able to relate to it the way I have but its my prayer to God every time I sing it.)
Now that I know where I'm lacking, I'm trying to worship the way I would when I'm off stage. It feels great to worship God my way on and off stage. My leader usually sends us his set a day or two before our practice so I'm trying to learn how to digest the songs and not see it as just a song that I need to sing well. Praise songs aren't like regular songs because they're for God. I want to fully understand what I'm singing and convey that message to those sitting in the audience. Our worship should be more than just a song. I'll still try to sound the best that I can but that no longer will be my main focus. Skill matters but what is skill without the heart when it comes to worship? I'm sure he'll still love me and understand how I feel despite my mess ups.
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