Coming to Christ

Growing up, I was suffering from depression. I don't remember when it started but I definitely had signs of it during the 4th grade. I wasn't happy with my life but at that age, depression didn't exist..it was definitely not a word in my little vocabulary book. It was during middle school when the symptoms got worse. I turned to cutting myself to make myself feel better. My logic was physical pain is a lot less painful than the emotional pain I was going through. During this time, I prayed to God consistently every night. I asked him "why do i have to go through this, what have i done in my past life that i deserve this punishment, so many people die in a day yet they want to live..i dont want to live but why am i not the one dying?" Every night for 2 years I prayed for him to take me away. Then one night, I just had enough. I didn't want to deal with it anymore and I just wanted to end it right there. I remember giving myself a set amount of cuts before really deciding it was enough like if im gonna cut myself that many times because life screwed me over that many times..what's the point of living? Literally that night was the 2nd to last for the number that I set and I had my mind set on it but this voice inside my head was telling me "theres more to life than this" and I felt like there was something waiting for me in the future but I had no idea what. Over night, my depression/suicide thoughts completely vanished. 

I never thought much about that night until junior year of High School. A few friends of mine wanted to check out this Christian fellowship and I went with them. I still remember that very first meeting I went to, the leaders were talking about how God can change a person in a *snap* and that just reminded me of how I grew up with years and years of depression but it all went away in just one night. People don't just change something they grew up with over night, maybe God was the one who was behind all of it. I became very interested in getting to know who God really is and I started following my president around to every praise night. At one of the praise nights they wanted people to pray with eachother and 2 of my friends reached out to me and prayed for me. I remember breaking down, I couldn't understand why God would save me that night when I was so willing to give away the very life he created..and how he willingly gave up his perfect son to die for the stupid things I've done wrong...I realized just how much he really loved me at that moment and I fully accepted him into my life.
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My testimony definitely doesn't end here. God doesn't just reveal himself to you and walk away. He works continuously with you, molding you into the person he created you to be. Our testimonies will only grow longer and longer as we continue our path in life but this is my story on how I came to Christ. All my adventures after shall be saved for a different post haha 

----------------------kinda tangent but.....---------------------------------------------
I posted about this before but its simply AMAZING how God chooses to answer your prayers. During the time that I've prayed to him (not really knowing who he was) 

I asked him for death (as in literally dying).... and he killed my old self and made me renewed in him 

I asked him to give me a new loving family (let me find out i was adopted and bring my "real" loving family to me).... and he adopted me into his very own (and blessed me with my church family)

I asked him for a forever kind of love (im very insecure, i never feel good enough so i wanted a love that was secure and i know i would never lose).... he revealed his love to me

It's amazing how God answered my prayers but gave me much more than I could've ever imagined.